Books That Got Me Through: My Trans Child’s Transition

At AuthorPods, we’ve been considering the countless ways that books affect us by asking readers to share “books that got them through” a certain event, phase, or time in their lives, be it good, bad, or anything in between. [Note: We welcome submissions in this vein; please email us at info@authorpods.com with your own list of books that “got you through.”]

The books we read have immeasurable impacts on our lives, be they educational, thrilling, inspiring, monotonous, revelatory, familiar, heartbreaking, healing; the list goes on. In turn, discussions centered on what we read are both limitless in their potential and infinitely versatile.

This week, we’re focusing on books to help parents through a transgender child’s transition. To that end, we’ve interviewed Rex Butt, a Vermont-based author, teacher, and board member of the Pride Center of Vermont. Butt is the author of Now What?: A Handbook for Families With Transgender Children, and leads a support group for kin of trans adults while also advocating for gender-101 training for school-aged children.

We hope that his work and book recommendations will speak to you whether you’re a parent in a similar experience, someone looking to help their loved ones relate to what they’re going through, or a curious reader keen to expand their perspective.

Pronouns:

He/him/his

Can you tell us about your relationship with and introduction to the trans/non-binary communities?:

Starting in the mid-1970s, I worked for several years in theater as a performer, stage manager, and director and had many gay and lesbian friends and colleagues, but it was [not until] fall of 2003, when our daughter came out as trans, that I had any real awakening to gender variance. I remember thinking, “Whoa, this is going to be a much different ride, my kid being gay!” That, of course, has proven true.

When in your life did you write Now What? Was it an emotional project for you, and if so, did that make it difficult to write, or easier?:

I was 43 when Cadence came out, and began research the same day that she came out. I was finding nothing—even in academic research—that was giving me what I needed as a parent. I took a sabbatical in 2008 to complete research, but it took another 5 years to piece it together while teaching full time. It was certainly emotional. Most wrenching for Karen and me was that our kid was hesitant to come out to us. Also, the complete acceptance from my family, both immediate and extended—in southwestern Ohio, no less—was overwhelming. The emotions did not make it hard to write. What did make it hard was full-time my teaching schedule—that and whittling 500 sources down to a book that would be readable and digestible for busy, stressed out parents.

Who is the main audience for ***Now What?*, and what are the key things you hope they’ll take away from reading it?:**

The core audience is parents who have a trans child, regardless of age. Others, however, including some trans folks have read it and said that they learned from it. The book is used by a few PFLAG chapters as a primer for families who show up with a trans kid. My hope is that readers come away with a sense of support, the belief that they can figure out their own answers to the myriad questions that arise, and that they have skills needed to keep communication open within their family.

What’s another book on this topic that you’d recommend?:

Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin

Two sentence summary of Kuklin’s book:

In seven quick, readable chapters, trans teenagers share their experience in their own words, providing insight into the complexities of gender and exploding the binary convention. Photographs by Kuklin help to provide a sense of intimacy that is compelling, authentic, and a must-read for skeptics.